It is going to be a LONG summer!

I wonder if Maggie will have a fat complex because we call her "MOO" all the time

I wonder when it is time to step in when a child is having some trouble with friends

I wonder why I have been off sugar for almost 3 weeks, did a detox for three days, and lost 9 lbs that I think it is not enough. Why can't it just come off over night. and no I do not want to hear you didnt put it on over night. Kind of when I was pregnant with Anna I pretty much did gain it overnight. I am actually excited for results. and shamelessly bragging about my efforts. Please be excited for me, because it gives me validation.

Is putting my kids in private school next year the right answer?

Where is the perfect place (ok near) for our family?

Why does it have to get so HOT here????

I dont like rats and bugs or mosquitoes, and tornado terrify me? even though I have never had a close close encounter with any rats or tornadoes.

Why don't my kids get along all the time?

How come I don't know all the answers to my kids incessant questions and though I am college educated feel dumber than a box of rocks sometimes? and really "they" were right nobody cares about my GPA or degree, anyway my kids don't.

How come I have so much gray hair? When should one use GREY or GRAY?? I cannot believe I have not have a cut or color since December, yikes. It is frightening.

Should I feel guilty for driving a huge SUV since it is Earth Day?? I don't really. I do not cut dryer sheets up, don't cut my dishwasher soap, sometimes leave the water on while brushing my teeth, don't recycle those plastic bags and though I have tons of cute reusable ones find it a hassle to bring them to the store. I even throw away things I shouldnt. I don't make my kids use reusable snack bags or laptop lunch boxes. I am not really as green as I think I am.

WHy do you love your kids SO VERY MUCH when you see them asleep? almost enough to want to wake them up to cuddle...almost I know better than to wake a baby. When I had Anna the nurse insisted I did to feed. MISTAKE.

How can I get excited about cleaning the same floor, emptying the dishwasher more. I think there is some Camilla Spencer quote to that effect. Again I have trouble with effect as opposed to affect sometimes.

Why do I hate when people give me unsolicited advice so much? ESPECIALLY people with less kids. Maybe they do know something I could benefit from. I doubt it though. and where did that saying "Boy, You've got your hands full" come from. Or are you going to have more kids? What kind of birth control? really? annoying

well crazy Moo needs to be put in her jammies and then our last run to pick up big sister from dance.

il fait chaud

it is getting hot in Mississippi, our AC is not working. Today I will be glad (but this might be the ONLY day) that we are renting bc we will not have to pay to get it fixed.

I am annoyed that we have stayed home all day waiting for the ac guy to come, and he is not. Really though we couldn't go anywhere because miss Maggie has a weird rash. All but two of the kids J and HN have had and still get weird rashes. Anna is all puffy and red and scaly, she and Mississippi springtime do not get along well!

I wanted to go to Spin this morning, at first I HATED this class, and still I went and after a bunch of pain meds for a sore bottom for the first few weeks, I still hate this class. However I love it at the same time. Maybe the closest thing to a "runner's high" I have felt. It pushes me and I feel like I've accomplished something when it is done. My friend Autumn and I go to a few other classes, like Zumba, power (a weight lifting class), circuit, blah blah. I am glad she goes.
I have finally come to the realization that one cannot (well this slow metabolism that is not getting any younger) eat whatever they want especially with saying I work out. Many of you already know this, but this is my lightbulb coming on. I've done weight watchers after Jake and had good results, I tried Atkins and south Beach but I am not a carnivore with only liking bacon, pepperoni, and sometimes a Hebrew National Hotdog so those aren't great options for various reasons. I am using thedailyplate.com it is good for me. FOUR pounds in 3 days, if you are skinny you will not get those kinds of results. It may be water but still nice to see. Plus no sugar, and no eating after 6pm.
I bought a new scale and saw I GAINED 6 pounds of the 16 I have lost since joining the gym the last week of October. I averaged about 3 times per week, with kids being sick and such missed a few weeks here and there.

Since my 40's are creeping up, I think that I really need to commit to change. (not Obama's kind though)
I will try not to think of the last TWELVE years I have been overweight after gaining 77 lbs with baby number one and never getting it off. I never made ME a priority.

I cannot get enough of this salad right now, butter lettuce, walnuts, raspberry vinaigrette, and BLUE CHEESE. I love it. it is good maybe not as good as the Carver's Salad or a Italian salad with Zia's dressing but right now it's what I am all about, that and some Chobani Greek yogurt! oh, and add in some scallions too, it makes it even more fabulous!!!

Maybe when I figure out this new external hard drive I will post pictures from Spring Break, Easter, GPA Sam visit, dirtbikes, the pink go Cart, and the rest of our crazy life!

sam started this throw up nonsense last week, Thursday with his moaning of an upset tummy. Friday night he was fine, and Sunday morning nobody else got sick so I thought we were good.
We went to Stake Conference, Chris got called into work so I stayed with the kids and they weren't horrible. I am glad we made it home for HN to start with the throwing up. Maggie got it in the middle of the night and then Jake and Emma Monday morning. A lot of laundry, but I didn't have to make any meals on Monday and we have so many leftovers from the wknd I think we will be good today. trying to see the positive. I do love some clean sheets and everyone has plenty of those.

Yesterday was great (aside from the vomiting) weather wise. Sam helped Chris plant our little garden. I am hoping we get a bumper crop. With no chicken fertilizer I am not sure if it will compare to our PA gardens. I look forward to canning this summer. We didn't have a garden last year, so we had no salsa, or tomatoes, or anything to enjoy in the fall/winter.

Today is gray and icky. It makes it easy to be lazy since the kids are home, (except J) and still feeling somewhat lethargic. I haven't been to the gym since last Thursday, and I need to go bc it helps me be somewhat calmer in the chaos.

So a seventy came to speak at Stk conf, his talk was really the only part of the mtg I heard. NOW vs MOST. He told a story of an 11 yr old boy who was diagnosed with leukemia. With 3 yrs of treatment, this form of cancer had a 90% cure rate. The little guy started with chemo and wanted to leave...he wanted to be a kid NOW, but of course what he wanted MOST was to be cured. Dieters want to loose weight MOST, but want to eat that cheesecake NOW!!! Apparently there were two more important words but I had to take some kids out so I missed that. I liked that and for now it will be my little catch phrase. I think it can applied to all sorts of situations in life.

In my life right now, it feels like limbo. We rent a home with the hopes of buying our own, but where? we are not finding anything that is "just right". I am not 100% sold on this area, for many reasons, being where we stay for a really long time. I do not like feeling unsettled. I am not at a stage in my life where spontaneity of big life issues is appealing to me. I try to simplify my life, not get involved in too much, but at the same time i feel like I distance myself from things/people and it is not fulfilling. well, this deep soul searching will have to take a place on the back burner as the kids are going crazy!!!

so, of course when I start whining...(yes, sometimes I do stop!) I want new curtains, buy me a new rug, blah blah. I don't like this or that.... I get a good slap in the face.

the last time someone passed away that was related to me was back when I was Anna's age. My uncle died yesterday. I did not know him very well.you can read about him here. I do know that my aunt and he were retired and setting off to enjoy their golden years together. I know that it was unexpected and horrible. (a bad motorcycle/car accident) I know that even though my man and I are passionate people (that is just a nicer way of saying we are hot headed, stubborn, and tend to fuss at one another more often than we should) I want to spend the rest of my life and beyond with him. So I will TRY (until the next reality check) to love him and my kids, not get all crazy about retarded stuff. I am really trying not to raise my voice/ ok YELL at my kids so much. I hate that I do that. and hate is a bad word around here, so I have to really mean it to use it.

and in my last post when I mentioned a reason for lack of posts was bc I was cleaning more, that is really a big fat lie.

yes it is about 2:15 in the a.m. and I am not asleep
I am moving in TWo days so I was thinking about that
not looking forward to the drive,
but I am pretty much all packed up...just some odds and ends
I did a lame job at labeling the boxes though
so we will all be surprised when opening them
that could make for some extra FUN when getting our house organized
and I sometimes have a hard time sleeping when CNP is out of town/on call

not sure how my parents moved around so much,
this one is making me tired
and stressed out'
YES people I am still talking about my house NOT selling
we are getting more interest because everything else has sold
including the charming home down the street
BiTTeR!
I think realtors like to use the phrase "it is what it is" when referring to a multitude of things
I don't like it
I NEVER want to sell a house again
or not in "this economy" (in case you forgot I despise hearing that too)
if I could sell a house when we bought this one
that would be Fantastic!

however, I do not need to clean my house for showings and go someplace to entertain my kids anymore! today was the last one
I took the little ones to (close your eyes for this next part C)

the store Gabriel Bros. as usual I found some treasures
but when you buy stuff for six kids and yourself the total can get up there, even when bargain shopping
of course I struck out with Anna, she would like some more dresses. I bought two, she approved of one. so I will run over there in my next two days to return. I have to exchange her viola at the music store near by anyway.
I really do much better under pressure, a procrastinator I am
but I produce great results that way.

I wish I weren't so melancholy about leaving here
or not more excited about this next chapter of my life
THE chapter that I have been dying to get to for oh so long!

Chris has been a student since we got married
and we've always been looking to this MOMENT
and talked about when he is done
and what we would do
and how it would feel

I am just not sure how to wrap my head around all this, it is a bit surreal
huh, there are no fireworks
or a big parade
to mark this occasion like I feel it deserves

he is not even here, I wasn't around for his first day as a non peon resident
boo hoo!

maybe after we get down there and get settled
gee, there I go again always looking ahead
why can't I live in the moment and Savor it
and enjoy my blessings

live each moment to the fullest
get the most from each moment, hour, day

nothing wrong with preparing & planning for the future
but if that is all I seem to do
then I don't know how to BE in this moment in time (can you hear Whitney now??!!)

so tomorrow, nope today not just figuratively either it is the morning, we will use our fancy china and linen napkins (aka fiesta ware and dishtowels)

I will miss sitting outside in my fabulous backyard with my kids at night watching them chase fireflies!
our backyard garden
and the beautiful drive to Lancaster
and being in a small town with big town amenities and close to so much
the schools
the school summer enrichment programs that watch your kids for 3 hours a day & they have FUN!
the seasons
fourth of July at the hospital
chocolate world
having an amusement park right up the road
Cocoa Castle
bike riding to Gelder Park
Bullfrog valley park "creek"
all the history around here
day trips
our pediatrician and SAm's doctors
a few people our Home teachers B &C, my visiting teacher A, quilt lady C, canning lady S, candle gal L, the lady I used to visit teach G, pto K, running CH, good thing BFF C already left or I would be too sad!

I won't be sad to leave
my smallish house (just the backyard is Great!)
not so friendly people
going to church and feeling like I am in high school not quite fitting in
however I LOVE the primary here and went in on Sunday with Maggie b/c she was fussing...that is where I cried, my heart is there. I love those kids and can certainly feel the spirit.
being far away from family
Chris missing his roots
the residency way of life, aka being Dirt poor
sometimes the crowds and rushing around

only 6 more days :(

My whole life, this is how I deal with stress and things I need to do...ignore them. Trash!! I am moving in a little over a week with odds and ends to take care of, and I am sitting here on hold with a company to cancel services. I am sad to leave. I am sad for my kids because I was the new kid many times (okay I still feel that way) and it isn't always great. I am bitter about my house not selling, annoyed about almost everything. too much worry to deal with so I just try to ignore it, but it is NOT going away!!

I feel like my life is full of chaos pretty much all of the time. my kids are crazy, Chris and I fuss at one another more than usual, and I just want to be happy and at peace with things. I want my kids to be happy and confident, and well my wish list is too long. why so many struggles...or is it just how I deal (or don't) with them.

anyway finally not on hold!

(this picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post)

I really would love it if someone would buy my house, so then I would not have to worry about it when we move.

When we put it up with a realtor, I was not happy about paying her 6% and then another 1% to Derry Township. (she was so encouraging though and we thought our house would sell fairly quickly) However I do not have time to sell a home on my own...or do I? At this point the realtor says people are offering $a certain amount less than the list price. If we take $that certain amount less we will not even cover what is owed on our mortgage, after we pay the fees. We have given up on getting back what we put into the house. Apparently the advice of you will get back the money you spent on a kitchen and bath is not true in "this economy" (I am a wee bit tired of hearing that phrase everywhere).

If we would have rented a house we would not have gotten our great tax refunds for the last few years though and would have had to worry about the kids breaking things. When you own the home if your kids break it you can choose to ignore it and paint it however you want. We did paint our rental house living room RED in our last house, it was worth not getting our deposit back.

enough of the negative nonsense... the little monsters are playing nicely together. baby Maggie is so much fun now, she is kind of on a schedule and sleeps nicely in her crib for most of the night, and she giggles and it is very very precious (and now I sound like one of those annoying bragger moms, but she is cute). I have gotten rid of a bunch of stuff that I will not need to move. Today is the day for my weekly philosophy microdermabrasion, the kids are having less homework as the school year ends so they can just play outside, Sam's skin icky gross stuff is getting kind of better, and until tonight I am caught up on the laundry.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sometimes seemingly easy tasks are very difficult

We are back from our wknd trip to the city of Brotherly Love,
sadly it was cold, rainy and the second day Sunny but still cold and very windy
it seemed like we were gone a lot longer than we were
and of course the kids loved the swimming pool the best
I will put up pictures one day soon
we will do an egg hunt this week because the easter bunny knew we were away

Sam has his toxic look about him, all rashy and icky in the face, crunchy breathing
has been that way for a few days, a combination of who knows what
we always take a chance when he goes out in public, or sleeping in a hotel
He usually gets rashy when we go to church(all kinds of snackys and probably peanut butter all over the floor AGH!) or Walmart
I can't leave him at home so I just try to make him comfortable
He has been very naughty this last week, I really need to be more consistent with his discipline
or else he is just going to get worse!
I am unsure what I will do about preschool. I really think he should go because he needs to work on his social skills however how can I ask a school to get rid of all peanuts, tree nuts, wheat, eggs, milk, soy, strawberries, corn (and as a side corn syrup is horrible at making him uncomfortable, his levels to corn are not even terribly high but it is in EVERYTHING!) I guess I would settle for the peanuts and treenuts and just so you know pistachios are a nut (passive aggressive!)

Magnolia Claire enjoyed some bananas and peas this last week. She gobbled them right up like a little monster, so cute.