there are many times as a parent that we feel proud...the first steps, first words, good report cards, dance recitals, sporting events, etc.

and then there are those moments for me that warm my heart, not so much pride...but of a happy contentment. When my children are kind and helpful, when I watch them create, or dance around the house together, or play outside in the sprinkler being happy, when they do things that are difficult and come through the other side...
last night I got a text from a friend that was up a Girl's Camp,
"Anna bore a great and very emotional testimony, it was awesome."
that was an entire new feeling. I know there are NO guarantees in life, especially that your children will believe the things you do, or always make wise choices...however, in this moment I felt very pleased, absolutely wonderful. I truly love that girl.

It is going to be a LONG summer!

I really need some ideas...

for summer

activities to keep my kids occupied besides Wii, computer, T.V. but that does not require me to go out a ton with all the kids, sometimes I find it too overwhelming

and lunch ideas. Besides sandwiches/paninis/wraps

This morning didn't start out any differently than any other morning. I was a little more tired because Nolan had been hacking up a lung during the night. I kept on my same thread bare yoga pants that really shouldn't be worn out in public, and junky top to take the kids to school.
We get in the car and the LOW FUEL light dings. Again as usual I ignore this because I never fill up because habits of cheapness...$80!! I wait for Chris to do it, but he is out of town.
I go pick up the kids up the road and off we go, watching Alvin & the Chipmunks, the Squeakuel.
We are almost to the school when the car starts acting weird and getting jerky...I pull over to the side of the road and cannot believe that I have a car load of kids, am dressed inappropriately for any company and i ran out of gas!!!! The kids are getting crazy and I am pretty embarrassed because as much as I always let the low fuel light go on, I have never run out of gas before.

I call our friend, and she sends her husband with some gas, only it isn't enough because we are bone dry. He takes the little kids to school, gets more gas and comes back. I feel really retarded about now. I get my sassy middle schooler to school (which we had left EXTRA early because she needed to be there early today) and I fill up my tank at the gas station on the way home.

Something I LOVE about here is I can call anyone I know and ask for gas, or black beans, brown paper bags, picking up my kids from school and i know that they will. Not begrudgingly, or expecting anything in return. They are just NICE!! I am sure I have been around nice people before, but have never felt like I could just call them out of the blue for a big favor (except for my BFF Carol from Hershey!)

For the next three days of school, I will try to go out dressed with some better clothes, but my hair will be crazy. I will NEVER let my low gas light come on without filling up. I promise kids! And thank you to my wonderful friends for helping me out!

Before I leave my children, I pretty much freak out and worry about their well being and my safety and conjure up all kinds of crazy "what if"" scenarios in my head.

but once I am away, it is so liberating! and now that I am back I am thinking I could have gone for a few extra days and I am really tired because we didnt sleep much because it was Vegas.

we went to KA and Phantom and they were enjoyable (although this is a Vegas Phantom, but still good) and ATE A LOT!!! I went off the N o sugar wagon on the night of day 2 with some frozen hot chocolate from Serendipity and then some Key Lime pie from Grand Lux cafe (I had about 3 in Chicago so much better this time) and could NOT turn down a piece of wedding cake. At the rehearsal dinner I ate about 2 loaves of garlic bread. I LOVE bread!!

I wish I didnt get off my plan bc I didnt feel great after eating that stuff and am having a hard time now that I am back.

I got my first mani pedi, what took me so long??! other than the fact I never really had extra $ for it. and a fabulous massage/ time at canyon ranch spa.

We rented a convertible but were unable to use it most of the time due to crazy wind and stuff. The weather was odd.

the boys were out with Chris last night canoeing and are cranky pants, and I am too and you know when the momma ain't happy...I need to help EG with her George Ohr project. I really wish there werent so many things due and activities at the end of the year. It should be more relaxing.

I need some motivating words to do more grocery shopping! I despise it, but my kids are apparently starving, or so they lament. why is this italics??? blah blah. I need a few days of sleep. I will be good then, or a nap?!

oh and if I forget before Sunday, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !! to my mom and all you ladies!!

I wonder if Maggie will have a fat complex because we call her "MOO" all the time

I wonder when it is time to step in when a child is having some trouble with friends

I wonder why I have been off sugar for almost 3 weeks, did a detox for three days, and lost 9 lbs that I think it is not enough. Why can't it just come off over night. and no I do not want to hear you didnt put it on over night. Kind of when I was pregnant with Anna I pretty much did gain it overnight. I am actually excited for results. and shamelessly bragging about my efforts. Please be excited for me, because it gives me validation.

Is putting my kids in private school next year the right answer?

Where is the perfect place (ok near) for our family?

Why does it have to get so HOT here????

I dont like rats and bugs or mosquitoes, and tornado terrify me? even though I have never had a close close encounter with any rats or tornadoes.

Why don't my kids get along all the time?

How come I don't know all the answers to my kids incessant questions and though I am college educated feel dumber than a box of rocks sometimes? and really "they" were right nobody cares about my GPA or degree, anyway my kids don't.

How come I have so much gray hair? When should one use GREY or GRAY?? I cannot believe I have not have a cut or color since December, yikes. It is frightening.

Should I feel guilty for driving a huge SUV since it is Earth Day?? I don't really. I do not cut dryer sheets up, don't cut my dishwasher soap, sometimes leave the water on while brushing my teeth, don't recycle those plastic bags and though I have tons of cute reusable ones find it a hassle to bring them to the store. I even throw away things I shouldnt. I don't make my kids use reusable snack bags or laptop lunch boxes. I am not really as green as I think I am.

WHy do you love your kids SO VERY MUCH when you see them asleep? almost enough to want to wake them up to cuddle...almost I know better than to wake a baby. When I had Anna the nurse insisted I did to feed. MISTAKE.

How can I get excited about cleaning the same floor, emptying the dishwasher more. I think there is some Camilla Spencer quote to that effect. Again I have trouble with effect as opposed to affect sometimes.

Why do I hate when people give me unsolicited advice so much? ESPECIALLY people with less kids. Maybe they do know something I could benefit from. I doubt it though. and where did that saying "Boy, You've got your hands full" come from. Or are you going to have more kids? What kind of birth control? really? annoying

well crazy Moo needs to be put in her jammies and then our last run to pick up big sister from dance.

sam started this throw up nonsense last week, Thursday with his moaning of an upset tummy. Friday night he was fine, and Sunday morning nobody else got sick so I thought we were good.
We went to Stake Conference, Chris got called into work so I stayed with the kids and they weren't horrible. I am glad we made it home for HN to start with the throwing up. Maggie got it in the middle of the night and then Jake and Emma Monday morning. A lot of laundry, but I didn't have to make any meals on Monday and we have so many leftovers from the wknd I think we will be good today. trying to see the positive. I do love some clean sheets and everyone has plenty of those.

Yesterday was great (aside from the vomiting) weather wise. Sam helped Chris plant our little garden. I am hoping we get a bumper crop. With no chicken fertilizer I am not sure if it will compare to our PA gardens. I look forward to canning this summer. We didn't have a garden last year, so we had no salsa, or tomatoes, or anything to enjoy in the fall/winter.

Today is gray and icky. It makes it easy to be lazy since the kids are home, (except J) and still feeling somewhat lethargic. I haven't been to the gym since last Thursday, and I need to go bc it helps me be somewhat calmer in the chaos.

So a seventy came to speak at Stk conf, his talk was really the only part of the mtg I heard. NOW vs MOST. He told a story of an 11 yr old boy who was diagnosed with leukemia. With 3 yrs of treatment, this form of cancer had a 90% cure rate. The little guy started with chemo and wanted to leave...he wanted to be a kid NOW, but of course what he wanted MOST was to be cured. Dieters want to loose weight MOST, but want to eat that cheesecake NOW!!! Apparently there were two more important words but I had to take some kids out so I missed that. I liked that and for now it will be my little catch phrase. I think it can applied to all sorts of situations in life.

In my life right now, it feels like limbo. We rent a home with the hopes of buying our own, but where? we are not finding anything that is "just right". I am not 100% sold on this area, for many reasons, being where we stay for a really long time. I do not like feeling unsettled. I am not at a stage in my life where spontaneity of big life issues is appealing to me. I try to simplify my life, not get involved in too much, but at the same time i feel like I distance myself from things/people and it is not fulfilling. well, this deep soul searching will have to take a place on the back burner as the kids are going crazy!!!

A lot of the time I complain that my life is BORING, mundane, the same....right now it consists of many hours of driving kids around, countless time doing laundry, mopping ,and dusting, and picking up toys, bathing children, grocery shopping. like ground hog day...same stuff over and over. Ok, well you get the idea I am sure. most moms do. This week I am thinking about Easter outfits, and where our summer vacation will be. Nothing fabulous.
but the more I think about it, I am blessed that my life is not eventful and ridiculously crazy. that I have healthy children, and we can even go on a vacation and I have a car to drive these kids around in.
sometimes when I go back and read over some of these posts I am aware of how dorky they may be, and wish they weren't so emotional or hope they don't sound braggy. tons of stuff I am thinking yikes, I cannot believe I said THAT or THAT!! and I have mentioned the fact that grammar, spelling, obviously not concerned about that.
today I am glad for my same old same old, and thanking my lucky stars for it.

post edit:::my kids did decide to shake things up, HN squirted Chocolate syrup all over his bedroom and Sam woke up with some stomach bug this morning.

there are MANY days, where I question "why in the world do I Have so many children?!"

we are pretty busy, and sometimes the kids are naughty, moody, or the parents are. That is absolutely no fun.

today we are busy...baking and cooking, that I do love and the kids helped and they got a good night's sleep so they weren't even naughty at Walmart.

(as an aside I was placing my items on the conveyor and accidentally knocked over the lady in front me, her eggs...barely. I gingerly picked them up and put them back on top of the other carton as she had stacked them. I apologized and she came right over "DID YOU BREAK MY EGGS!!??? LET ME CHECK...NO I DON"T WANT these NOW because one is cracked!!!!" whatever lady you are rude and there was no cracked egg)

Today is my sweet baby Girl's birthday. ONE already. She is my very last little one and so her birthdays may be harder on me. She is so sweet and cute and from the moment she arrived I knew she was that baby girl that was missing from our family. (EVEN though she came so close to the other two monsters that are running circles around me now and wrestling in crazy boy fashion!) All the kids fit, just like the pieces of a puzzle and if one was missing the picture would not be complete. I love my children, they grow up terribly FAST!! trying to enjoy them before the oldest goes off to college in only SIX years.

My brother john came to visit this past wknd, my kids love him. We were talking and decided that instead of all the fund raisers that schools have the children participate in to win extra cool dollar store stuff for selling 250 or more items, that we should just donate money. I would also prefer that instead of buying school supplies. this year was the first year we had to purchase school supplies and I NEVER want to do it again. The lists were too long and it was annoying and just one more thing to worry about. A big donation at the beginning of the year or raise taxes...we paid high taxes in PA but worth every penny because I am lazy like that.





Anna got three teeth pulled and spacers put in this week, she is on her tylenol on the couch today. Braces next Tuesday. She is making more friends and having less sad days. She is doing jr cotillion and dance and piano and all that other stuff as we push her to be our super child...and she has that birth order first child desire to be perfect and all that. I am pleased with her hard work, and try to remember that when she and are are fussing at one another amidst her tween growing pains.





I am almost doing cartwheels, well tried this morning but then I fell down in the front yard and hurt my foot...because next week C and I are going away for THREE days for my BDAY. My MIL will be watching the kids. We are staying at this supposedly haunted hotel in New Orleans and do all the fun stuff down there. Then we are going to this event for Chris' alma mater...he is even getting a tux. I would be glad to go anywhere, but I think we are going to have a good time.

Jakob is starting to speak with a Southern accent, it makes me laugh when I hear him. Last week H.N. hit him in the mouth with a nerf gun and knocked out his icky half tooth (it was from him sucking his fingers for 6 years). I was sad he was hurt, but glad because that tooth looked kind of trashy. He is doing great in gymnastics and can do all sorts of things and does not fall and hurt his foot when doing cartwheels in the front yard.

Sam got a big boy haircut, he is still cute...and still naughty and a smarty pants. He loves DIEGO and riding his trike outside and even though he is sassy, he makes me laugh.

H.N. is moving into a big boy bed because Sam taught him how to crawl out of his crib (and into Maggie's). This is making nap time and bed time very difficult and we rarely go anywhere because tired children are not really the funnest companions especially to my least favorite place WalMart. Nollie is adding more words to his vocabulary, the best phrase is "you mean mommy". It is satisfying to know I am doing my job well.

EG is becoming sassier each and every day, and super sweet too. Always had the split personality, grateful that she is not 100% sassy. Does anyone remember the Phil Hartman SNL thing about the sassy boat and sassy land?? it was very very funny!! She is still doing her ballet and growing legs as long as a giraffe's neck. She is no longer the teeniest one in her class. She is also hilarious and I need to post her letter to Santa it will make you chuckle.

and baby MOOskers, with encouragement from Uncle John she took her first two steps!! Three is her high number now and I am sure it will not be long before I am chasing three kids around Wal Mart.

I will one day add some pictures when I get tired of talking about myself!!

"You can look back, but don't stare.
The best is yet to come."

This week, I had one of the worst days I can remember. It was a bad day for my kids as well. I could have earned the meanest mom award.


I am really trying to "enjoy the journey" more. It is a constant struggle. I feel a lot of guilt and always have, deal with feelings of inadequacy, worry and stress more than I probably need to.

I felt helpless as I hugged my "baby" that is almost 12 years old as she cried about missing her friends and her struggles of finding her place in her new surroundings.

Sometimes there is not a quick fix, no magic fairy dust to sprinkle, no magic wand, it takes time...and there will bad days. But I do know that there will be some good days too.

I am not much on being a testimony sharer, just not. I do know that prayer works. I know that when you put all your ping pong balls (you know the church stuff) in the jar first that miraculously all the beans (LIFE which is busy!!) do fit. We have been praying and praying that our house would sell for months and months.
Jakob asked "mom, why don't you ask that it will sell on a certain day" So I did, that night I prayed that our house would sell that week. The next day the realtor called and said we had received an offer on our house the night before.

Whether or not things will pan out with this sell, I am happy that my children and I could have that wonderful experience.

Chris keeps a jar of rusty old water...he has had it since he was a child. When he was on a vacation, he prayed that it would snow. It did. That water is the melted snow.

No matter how far away I feel from the Lord...I do know that if I pray He will hear me.

I am hoping that as we go through difficult times, that my kids will know that too. They are sometimes a great example to me because I see my girls reading their scriptures more than I do. They have great faith in all things.

It is nice to be reminded of how simple things are sometimes.

Nollie had his check up today, he is 24 1/2 lbs (25%) and in the 75% for height. I can't remember inches right now.

so last weekend the girl's had their dance recital. The day started out well, we got some great yard sale deals (except the mean lady who sold the girls a video camera that does not keep it's charge, if it worked it would've been a steal at $15) blah blah

so we get home and start to get ready and I fix Anna's hair which she immediately takes out because I made it "too puffy", then she tells me she needs tights still. I get angry and angrier because "why couldn't she have let me know that when I asked days before, do you need anything for the recital?" I turned into a monster and said some things I regret and she told me she wished I weren't her mother. Emma says those types of things, but Anna never has...it really hurt. I would have wished the same thing if I were her too. So finally we get to the dance store and get tights, and then rush to the grocery for some water and snacks, then we are almost at the theater and I ask Emma if she has her ballet shoes. She looks through her bag which held so many things otehr than her ballet shoes, mary Pippins would be envious, but NO, no ballet shoes. Again I loose it and did not handle the situation very well. I drop them off and try to decide if it will be quicker to buy her a new pair or rummage through her things at home to find them. First I need to go get a ticket (b/c we have found you get a much better seat this way and for cheap) of course this lady has an issue in front of me...tick tock, I am quite aggravated! I do try to call Chris, but he does not pick up! So I get home and find her shoes and get out to the car, oh just about out of gas and the van is not so reliable....here come the first drops of what will be a big storm. I hurry to get some gas and back to the theater and by now it is POURING rain and I cannot wait it out because Emma needs her shoes and the show is just about to begin. I run with no umbrella and get her shoes to her and get to my seat just in time. I am soaked and dripping wet and annoyed more than anything, just smoldering MAD but sitting in a great seat though. The show begins and the first number was good and then the next are all the little teeny girls, and then I just loose it and I am crying like I moron because it seems like yesterday that my little girls were that small. These moments in life are all too precious to argue and fuss about things that do not matter, to make my ladies feel bad about silly mistakes is wrong. before I know it they will be all grown up and while I know every memory cannot be wonderful, I want to try my best to make more good ones than bad.

This past wknd I was kind of in an annoyed mood, and was sitting in my room feeding Maggie and heard some footsteps come into the house and before I could yell out in a not so nice tone TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES you are going to ge mud all over the house that we have to keep perfectly clean just in case anyone who want to come over and buy the house (the part about the house I would have just kept in my head and is part wishful thinking)
so there comes Sammy in with his dirty self and hands me a handful of pretty flowers, kind of melted my heart.

so I almost always delete forwarded emails before reading, but opened this one and thought it was cute:


Real Mothers don't eat quiche;





they don't have time to make it. Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils

are probably in the sandbox.. Real Mothers often have sticky floors,

filthy ovens and happy kids. Real Mothers know that dried play dough

doesn't come out of carpets. Real Mothers don't want to know what

the vacuum just sucked up. Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'

and get their answer when a little voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

I think I would have learned my lesson after six kids, don't buy ahead it NEVER works out for me. Maggie has more clothes than she could possible wear for the summer...and she won't because by the time she grows into them it will be winter, well Ms winter but still.

Kind of hard to be annoyed today because yeah the sun is out, the kids woke up HAPPY this morning, Maggie is taking a nap in her crib, the last being a miracle.
She is so fussy and gassy and wants to be held a lot, but now that she is almost six months old she is getting better and will do some tummy time.

the other monster Sam, well for all the complaining I do about his not sleeping well since the day he was born...I am sad he is so miserable that he cannot feel comfortable. He does sleep way better now, but he is having some breathing issues now at night and those nebs make him CRAZY so he slept in until 9:30 this morning, it will be a much better day. I gave him the benadryl. he does have a prescription for hydroxizine which used to work great at getting him to sleep but he hasn't needed it for awhile blah blah I tried it again because he is pretty icky and it does not do the trick anymore.

After Sam was born was the most miserable time, I am not sure if it was because I was out of practice with he and Jake being three &half years apart (funny that I have had three children in less than that time, not really ha ha funny though unless you are looking at me trying to wrangle them all)
when he was about three-four weeks old it was my turn to do sharing time, Chris was on call so I went to church alone. It was not a great day and it was a hard time. I am glad Nollie is so pleasant and a great sleeper. I hope he does not get lost in between the needy bossy sam and the sweet baby girl.

I have been making an effort to be a nicer mother, so I wrote all the kids a letter to tell them all the lovely things about them and have been trying to comment on the positives they do instead of ALL the nit picky things I see and I mean TRYING because it is very difficult. I think it is working because while there are still issues they may be a little bit happier, if momma ain't happy well like I said for the last three years it has pretty much been the case. Having a lot of kids is hard, lots of people say "you must be patient" no I am the most impatient person so I must need to learn it the hard way.

Boring post.

We are back from our wknd trip to the city of Brotherly Love,
sadly it was cold, rainy and the second day Sunny but still cold and very windy
it seemed like we were gone a lot longer than we were
and of course the kids loved the swimming pool the best
I will put up pictures one day soon
we will do an egg hunt this week because the easter bunny knew we were away

Sam has his toxic look about him, all rashy and icky in the face, crunchy breathing
has been that way for a few days, a combination of who knows what
we always take a chance when he goes out in public, or sleeping in a hotel
He usually gets rashy when we go to church(all kinds of snackys and probably peanut butter all over the floor AGH!) or Walmart
I can't leave him at home so I just try to make him comfortable
He has been very naughty this last week, I really need to be more consistent with his discipline
or else he is just going to get worse!
I am unsure what I will do about preschool. I really think he should go because he needs to work on his social skills however how can I ask a school to get rid of all peanuts, tree nuts, wheat, eggs, milk, soy, strawberries, corn (and as a side corn syrup is horrible at making him uncomfortable, his levels to corn are not even terribly high but it is in EVERYTHING!) I guess I would settle for the peanuts and treenuts and just so you know pistachios are a nut (passive aggressive!)

Magnolia Claire enjoyed some bananas and peas this last week. She gobbled them right up like a little monster, so cute.

so happy that Magnolia Claire slept from 10pm-6am Saturday night!

I watched her sleep as Sammy was crazy and up a good bit of the night,

but I am glad because now I know that a good nights rest is in my near future

(knock on wood).



so I have really been trying to have a more positive attitude because lets face it I have been in a hole for the last three years...I think I can pinpoint it to a day, Sam was a little over three weeks old, we just moved into our house (pre renovations) Chris was on call, I was going to church by myself and doing sharing time. There was nobody there to help after he was born and I was pretty depressed and I thought this is HORRIBLE!!! There is no way I can possibly do this!



So add some more children, and stresses financially, emotionally, etc. I have been just trying to survive. That is no way to live, no way to be a good example to your children.

I want my kids to be happy, a few things have happened in the last little while with them some choices have been made that I know they cannot be happy about. I know I was not and it is hard to take, to be disappointed in their choices. I wish that my children could get inside my heart and feel all the love I have for them. I wish they could see themselves the way I do.



How can I expect them to be happy if I am not putting forth a good example. Not a perfect everything is wonderful everyday example but one that is realistic but not jaded.



What makes me happy??? what will make them happY???